the sun will rise
when it is time
the sun will set
when it is through

and all im left with
are the memories of you

i feel you still
i hear your voice
i follow your heart

where do i go
to get apart

to be alone
yet still so close

start in the middle
leave in the end

i leave you now
with a heart to mend

it will grow stronger
and continue on its way

somehow...

some day...

it will all be okay

why

why is it that when the sun finally decides to come-
all i want to do is run? i finally have a chance to
flee to the light, but for some reason i'm still here,
wanting to fight. i know how to be free, but instead i
just want to sit here and make everyone pity me. is it
really that selfish though to be "not okay"? and why
did things have to turn out the way they did today?
what if i dont want to be happy any more? what if i
dont care any more? what if it was all okay?... 

never ending cycle

they pull me one way, i fall the other. the cycle
never ends. they raise me up, i fall back down. the
cycle never ends. they tell me im wrong, i know im not
right. the cycle never ends. they peel back the
layers, i lay them back on. the cycle never ends. they
search for the answers, i hide them deeper. the cycle
never ends. they come after me, i run even farther.
the cycle never ends. they catch me, i jump from their
arms. the cycle never ends. they carry my burdens, i
steal them back. the cycle never ends. they love me, i
tell them not to. the cycle never ends. they love me
still... the cycle will never end. 

when

when will i see how its all meant to be. when will i
know how it all needs to go. when will the truth out
number the lies. when will love no longer need to be
such a comprimise.

when it comes will i be too late? broken and lost and
feeling second rate. telling me lies that have turned
into a life. breaking my morale, cutting deeper than
any knife.

the clouds will break, and the sun will rise. but
unfortunately, i may never see the prize.
the life that will be lost, can't be bought at any
cost. the life that never should have been found...
the life that will leave me shattered on the ground. 

its getting harder to hide everything that i feel
no matter how far i run these feelings are still real
running from everything that ive ever known
running from my sanity searching for the unknown
behind my mask there dwells a soul thats ready to give
up
but when im with you the mask goes back on and somehow
i seem tough
tough enough to live in these lies
tough enough to hold on
tough enough to keep on moving
even though it feels so wrong
behind closed doors the tears freely flow
and never seem to seize
but when i face the light of day
i'm only here to please
please the ones that i cant trust
please the ones i hate
please the ones who torture my heart
and say i complete their fate

Hidden By Bleeding Colors

black then white then gray, then white then black then
gray, then grey, and gray, and grey. it all seems to
be okay by colors painted on the outside to take away
the pain. youve taken away my colors and think you can
see me, black then white, yet you cant see the gray.
to you it is one way or the other, right or wrong, yes
or no, stay or leave, but not in the middle. my blurry
life is falling to pieces. i can no longer see by the
tears fogging my vision. tears that make it all seem
gray. im blind but can see, thats one, but not the
other side of me. my flame inside has somehow burned
away. all they ever seem to do is take and take and
complain. all making broken promises and expecting me
to believe. i do believe, and come along, but am
always left here to bleed. left at the end of a hard
times struggle. giving away all that i have so as to
satisy another. is that all i am for? to hold on to
their hearts as they wait for more. thinking i am it,
letting me believe i am, and then leaving me here,
once again, to bleed. gray then red then black then
red. what an exciting circle. you dont understand how
sick you will be as you complete the ride. it all
seems like a ride, a love, a song, a wonderful thing
that can never go wrong. but then it goes wrong. and
here i am still lying here to bleed. whats left of me
spread thin across the pavement. until someone new
comes along to pick up the pieces, but not all of the
pieces are here anymore, they have been lost along the
way. never truly made up until i complete this game. a
young tender soul yearning to just be free, free from
the anxiety of this world, free from mostly me. no
matter how far i run everything will always come
undone. its a part that cant be changed, an untrue
fantasy needed to be believed. fantasy is so much
better when you are young.  but am i not young? and if
i am so young, why am i bleeding from more than
skinned knees. red then red then red then black.

what happens when the tears stop falling, when you
know you must let go. when the lies are building up,
false smiles and empty laughs make it all seem okay.
but it will never be okay as long as im with him and
you're with yourself. the tears will not come,
everythings undone. i keep trying to hold on, but
maybe youre not the one. waiting for nothing, hoping
for nothing, just another lie...

come away with me

what if i told you to drop it all? that i had a way
out... would you come away with me? we could fly
through the night with the stars in our hair. the moon
in our tears. are they tears of joy or tears of fear.
what is punishment? does it matter any more? leave in
the night and return in the end. avoid the middle.
hide from the sun. we dont want the brightness. lets
just play on the false hope of dark empty clouds. do
not fall... the are no ropes to catch you anymore..
you may be gone forever. i may be gone forever.

so when are you coming to tell me to drop it all?

sitting in the pink daisies. smelling the yellow bees.
eating the ripe green grass. while feeding your
mothers cookies to the trees. is it love? or just the
light soothing feel of compassion when it is most
needed? shifting to the left, falling off the picnic
basket. hiding under the blankets from embarrasment. a
friend is found there. a friend that sticks around all
day. a friend that smells of lush gardens. a gentle
touch and it is all okay. can you touch love? can you
smell love? why is it pink, but unstaining, yet the
darkest stain of all. maybe for the better, maybe for
the worst.  

the voice of love

her ear is pressed to his chest. dreams shattered,
pieces lost, but she is still there. listening to the
only steady thing she has found in this life. his
steady heartbeat, beating strong for her. maybe it is
only strong becuase she needs it to be. is that all
that is keeping her here? she falls in deeper moment
by moment. hitting the sharp edges on her way to the
bottom. but what is at the bottom? why are there so
may sharp edges? shes bleeding, lost, and confused.
she hits the bottom, the medics come running. there
are too many of them. amnesia sets in and she can no
longer remember which one she belongs to. they all
tell so many nice stories. stories of puppies, and
futures, and of songs that she used to sing. she
doesnt sing anymore. she doesnt remember the notes, or
melody, or feelings to go with them. she doesnt
remember too much these days. just the falls... she is
reminded everytime she bumps a bruise.

a little girl with everything wrong and shes all alone...

waiting seems to be the only thing left to do. she
cant turn left, she cant turn right, everywhere she
turns there only waits another fight. they all know
her, or so they think. she runs away but it all
returns. she stops to smell the roses but time keeps
ticking on. she would give anything to see the sun
again. her mind is a dense fog. pollution and
confusion are the only things to be found. inhale -
outhale - it will all be okay. why does she pollute
herself even more? does it make things better or put
up more walls? walls that can be broken, but lose
trust nonetheless. a future thrown away at the cue of
a downer. maybe shes okay. maybe she knows her. but
maybe not. feeling the buzz, dont really care when
shes only living life "because" how did she go this
far? when the sun rises it will all begin again. she
puts back on her mask. returns to her "life" too bad
she took the wrong turn. she goes back, but doesnt
need to. we all tell her its okay, go live life. she
will only be young once. only this naive forever.  the
dreams broken. she was noticed tonight. she was the
one crying in the corner, shes okay, or so they tell
me. she had a long day. but the truth doesnt lie.
sipping her soda, smiling behind her fears. hands
clasped in lap she smiles at the world. it is seen
through, but only by the special ones. i think i am a
special one.. but she says i am not. she says i am
wrong and only lie to make her feel better. but would
i do something like that? well, yes... but thats fine
because she knows it is a lie. false words make her
feel secure, wrong actions make her feel better. but
make her pain move to someone new. too bad they are
blind to it. she does not care anymore. she just goes
back to the darkened corner. hiding in the shadows,
knowing that no one can see her, but praying that
everyone will.  

bobb pine's jump to death

sitting at the desk released from all the pain. young
bobb pine is standing at the edge. putting it all
behind him. nothing there but the growing pressure. it
builds and builds. bobb pine knows that within an
instant he will be gone forever. or at least until
people get to cleaning out closets. cleaning out pasts
forgotten. remembering the lost, the found, and all of
the messes in between. writing seems to be the only
destraction, but now there is a new one. the freedom
found by gliding through the air. falling into a
corner filled with love, a corner put to waste and
never understood. now bobb's friends are going. not
sure why, but they leave without a fight. all but
one... he bounces off the pointy heart. still falls to
death, but will not be accused of going down without a
fight. why did they go in the first place. what if
thoughts had never been thought. what if the tension
had never built? with one slip it is all gone forever.
except in my heart. one day i will find bobb pine and
all of his friends. then tonight will be remembered
and all of their pain. live on bobb pine. you can
survive. my tears will fill the lakes to make your
land plentiful. hang on bobb pine... i need you. 

who are we?

all the faces put on. what do they really mean? you
say that i know you, but can we ever really know each
other? maybe it is better when we dont. you hold me in
your arms, saying it will all work out. but cant you
see it isnt! and back asleep we fall. back to you,
back to me, back to our future. the train that we were
too afraid to board. it left without us. there are
others to take now but they never will lead us to that
place we missed. there is pain in being late. there is
pain in love. but yet somehow it is all worth it. im
being dragged along the traintracks. even though i am
bleeding and scarred i know that eventually the train
will stop. someone will find whats left of me in the
muck. i want to scream and get away. am i dead? no one
seems to hear me anyway. and yet i am writing to the
one who hears me best. im telling you my story, so
when i forget it, when i am giving up on life, you are
there to hand it all back to me. and you do. cant you
see though that im hurt? cant you see the bruises? you
are loading me back up again before i have had the
chance to heal. but will we ever really be healed. i
hold your shoulders, you grasp my side. somehow we
seem to keep each other afloat. wait though, i think
we are both drowning. cant you just hold me like that
on the dry land? no, this cant be happening. is it all
a dream? when i wake will you still be holding me? as
the bright sun reaches my innocent eyes will it be you
greeting me? how can i know what is true and what is
false? i just want to close my eyes and stop
listening. stop everything from happening. like
dominoes coliding from the slightest spark. i quickly
try to gather all the pieces but they are falling from
me too quickly. i am tired now. ive just been dreaming
for the past 10 minutes. dreaming of the love that was
lost. do not tell me it is not lost, i cannot find it
and this is my narrative, so therefore it is lost. i
loose a lot of things. maybe, while im sitting up in
the clouds tonight, i will be able to spot them,
regain my composure. once the day breaks again all the
pieces will fall back together. they always do. never
in the right order. but somehow, everytime i have
finally picked everything up i trip again. my small
fingers letting go of everything that i am supposed to
hold. please dont help me pick up the pieces, i dont
want you to see what they are. no one can. they are my
secrets. my secrets to a life now lost. at the end of
the day youre another day older. nothing more. nothing
less. we go up and down as the train bounces along the
tracks, but somehow it always settles out by the end
of the day. what about all of the happy people? how do
they do it? they dont...  

a feeling inside

there is a feeling inside of me you will never
understand,
its that feeling of wondering if youll ever find the
right hand.
its this sharp pain that shoots straight through my
heart,
its this vicious cycle that is tearing me apart.

sitting in the park

i want to go and sit with you in a park. we did that
once, do you remember? i want to have no worries but
to make you smile. i want you to have no worries but
to keep the hair out of my eyes. because arent our
eyes already blind enough. we try to dart the truth,
pretending its not real. finally something slips. like
flowers blossoming in mid may we are now open and
completely vulnerable. is that okay? do i scare you
still? do not worry, nothing can harm us. nothing
except the truth, and the life behind us. we turn
around, try to go back. theres nothing there. we grasp
at the faint breath of what was but find ourselves
falling. everyday falling. will you catch me or must i
catch you? how have you found me, found in me
something new? like raindrops falling in the park
after it is over. no one is there anymore. no one is
there to notice. notice the clouds. notice their mess
that they leave behind them. and the fog... it sets in
deeper and darker moment by moment. im afraid to lose
myself. or more-so afraid of who will find me. whose
arms will have caught me when the fog is lifted. when
the sun returns will it ever be as bright as it once
was. the sundrops in my hair- will they ever look the
same to you? or will you be blind? forced to push all
of this behind. where are you going, running in
circles. my mind is drunk in confusion. i cant seem to
find the straight line. everywhere i turn it is the
wrong way out. but in the park there is no wrong way
out. we are all free to go wherever we please. arent
we? what if i jump? do you think i could make it over
all of this? or will i just be consumed in the fire.
the fire burning in my soul. the fire burning in your
eyes. the fire burning in my boyfriends heart. 

talking about everything... but only saying nothing

i have the weirdest feeling right now. like i have so
many emotions colliding inside of me. i have so much
to say, so much to learn, and see, and do.... i just
want to be released from myself. to just fly away and
never look back. i want to sit in the clouds and watch
you all live your fake lives. i want to sit in the
clouds and sing and write and just love. i hope heaven
can free me. do you understand me? i think you
possibly may. i want to be weightless, to come and go
as i please. just drifting in and out of peoples
lives, leaving them for the better. but making them
turn for the worse. i wouldnt want them to be worse,
but i seem to be like that. i enjoy tempting people.
its a bad thing. i want to get away from that too. 

it feels like so long, since youve been gone
everywhere i turn youre nowhere to be found
neither one of us thought it would come down to this
but i guess you cant always get what you wish