Aftermath Unwritten

Original written August 25, 2005

through the gray clouds tonight i'm driving. wondering where you are. are you thinking of me too. or is that only in my mind. when we're together we're so far apart. yet when we're apart you are always near me. like a ghost haunting my path, i turn yet you're no where to be seen. maybe its okay that i can't see. what would i do if i really knew me. these dark clouds are pulling me in, they hold such a sadness until you come around. as we wander through the night without a sound, i know your still here because i can't let you go. because if i do i'm afraid you will forget me too. i wish there was a rainbow at the end of this path, im sure there is but only you can see that. i long for you to hold me though you never truly can. we run so far from what we can see, searching for so much more. hold my hand and lead me down this path. i am willing but unsure of your plans. do you see me as i think you can? im lost in this fog, with no where to go. thats the thing about us.. we don't like to show. because we fear that they don't really care, though were with others we're not really there. so maybe that means that were meant to be more than we pretend we can see. when you just jump into the unknown doesnt it take more? i dont feel i know you, yet i understand your soul. maybe because it's like mine or maybe i just think i should know. know what you mean by the way you nod your head and say were okay. but is there anything in this friendship that should make me feel it must be more than this. do i confuse you or do you comprehend? i want to make it more but im scared to let you in. i think we both fear that the other doesnt but i think we both know, somewhere in our soul. that this is something that we should go for. but as time has told, hearts crumble and break, and always seem to take and take. so one of us must, jump into thin air, the only question now is will you be there? im afraid that im running to fast, that im leaving you behind with nothing to grasp. because this is new and hard to understand. its risky for me to try and take your hand. but i think i might, ive found something tonight. so please if you will, just hold on to what we have, dont let me forget because thats when it all goes bad. and as we both know, this life can quickly become a show. so lets just lay back so no one will know. our adventures are too exciting for us to just let go. so if i am reading this book upside down, lets not forget where we started from. you are so much more than meets the eye. i am so glad you have let me inside, if i must leave i know i must go. but if you let me, i'll gladly hold on. were so much alike, too much maybe.... but where that may lead us may be more than we could ever begin to imagine. you light up my days through your simple manner. you are all i have wanted, yet still i'm not sure.. sure if i really should make this into more.

tipsy

i'm stumbling on my words. if only you knew how much it hurts. poured my heart out, but they all keep slipping. slipping on the wet glass, they think it is simple to know all i feel, but they can't see that none of it is real. blurred pieces blend together, when the light hits they are all a scatter. but somehow, by the way they meet up, it always seems to be just enough. enough to get me by, so by the time they notice i have already passed by.

beautiful songbird

*Song I wrote a few weeks ago

taught you how it all began
when i reached out and took your hand
and there was never any coldness, never any fear
and in a flashing moment our hearts were so near

said we'd never slip away
promised that with each new day
and days will come and memories will pass
but this love we swore was always gonna last

cause people touch your heart
they circle round the frame
but once they touch your heart
you'll never ever be the same

when you're crying in the moonlight
or singing to the breeze
your always with me
and thats how it'll always be

white dove flies out the window
im fallin to my knees
i wonder if its alright
that you are who i need

cause when i taught you how to love
trampled through the storm
wripped apart the pieces
under which you were
peeled away the masks
and set your colors free
i thought that meant that you and i would always always be

and as we wander on this journey
never quite contempt
will it ever hit us
what this all has meant

we run away from feelings
hide between the lines
that door that once was open
is closing with each moment of time

im still here
and your so far
you're so near
but im running out of time

cry out in the night
where do i go
everything is missing now
everything i know
life is changing quickly
im not sure how to stand
i wish you were still by my side
here to take my hand

cause thats where it all began
on a summer's night so clear
when in a flashing moment
our hearts knew love was here
and love cannot be broken
love will not be torn
and somewhere down this broken road
we will find comfort
in knowing the truth
that all that weve been through
was for something wonderful
theres something new
and only time now
can teach us what to do

so we'll be patient
and wait for that time
when your heart is beating
to the rhythm of mine
we know it can happen
seen it before
that same closeknit feeling that started before

when you reached out your hand
and took mine in yours
said that you'd be there like no one before
no one before

cause i reached out my hand
and held on so tight
and now forever and ever
forever and ever
no matter what the distance
no matter what the fight
no matter our circumstances
our hearts always fit tight
fit tight
and no matter the reason
no matter the time
ill always reach out my hand
and take yours in mine

Alone Again

Do you ever feel so alone?
Where words crumble without breath for existence.
The time escapes quickly.
Tear stained letters, shriveling flowers
Send an aura of love now vanished
Would the morning sun rise if none were there to greet her?
Would the blue of the sky fade away or become outdated?
Emptiness hits as the dust finally settles
Broken air is once again hardened
The stillness brought on by the distance of heart
Woven together
My thoughts and my fears
The road is gray as the wheels roll along
Window down, air curls inside
The weight of the wind threatens all life
As i lower my head
At the end of this day
Emptiness hits as the truth finally settles
Broken hearts are once again hardened
The aloneness brought on by the distance of spirit.

Behind my Mirror (Part 2)

where there is hope
the light never dies
draw near to me now
and dry my eyes

these times are hard
the feelings are new
but looking back
i see how we grew

when clouds rolled in
and lightening struck
as life unraveled
and rain made muck

you were there
and so was i
i was here
you heard my cry

flooded waters
carrying through
falling teardrops
from me to you

you to me
and still there's three
carrying you
carrying me

when words are tough
and feelings hard
yet again
we find a new card

colors bleed
pigments lie
wondering how
needing a why

there is a reason
to every season

an answer to why
i lay down and cry
an answer to when
it all will begin
a reason to know
how it all needs to go

hollow words
tormented minds
a kind of fear
that wrips and grinds

but that third strand
will not wear
somehow or another
its always there
knowing that we
are too weak on our own
knowing that we
will never fully be grown

remember me
remembering you

dont forget
all we go through
when others fall
or comprimise
our blue rose
never dies

the petals shrink
the color fades
but still its love
it gives away

remembering that
true beauty is found
beneath that
which covers the ground

which will explain
why it is true
a sister of yours
doesnt look like you

that is not
where it begins
the thoughts of the heart
come from within

when words are said
yet nothing heard
the soul flies on
just like a bird

spread your wings
and fly away
do not worry
although i stay

running fast
the time comes slow
forgetting about
all that we know

but as long
as your by my side
life is always
worth the ride

when the lights are off
when my soul cries
a soft humm
opens my eyes

never alone
never apart
beating on
the song of our heart

entair

the crumbled blade falls quickly
breaks freely
earth shattered
lives climb upon ruins
search for some life
fall deeply
cuts opened
death stings sweetly
butterflies carry away
broken life
pieces fall not together
blend forever

stained

started out fun
falling in love
dont really know how it all comes
and now as it goes
i just want you to know
..just wanted you to know

you've left your mark
clear and so true
never thought i could feel this with you
stained my soul forever
like an unwanted treasure
you forever remain
lost in my brain
found in my heart
ooo im so stained

moving on
trying to forget
to much we know
for us to ever let go
so we try to hold on forever
what about when forever ends
i pick up the past
and throw it away
but still you remain
still you remain

you've left your mark
clear and so true
never thought i could feel this with you
stained my soul forever
like an unwanted treasure
you forever remain
lost in my brain
found in my heart
ooo im so stained

cause when its all done
its never still fun
falling in love
knowing what came
knowing whats gone
cleaning the past
cleaning the past
but im stained darling
cant you see the stains
cant you see the stains
cant you see the pain
cant you see the stains
they will never fade

twinkle twinkle

twinkle twinkle big bright star
a silly one you always are
way up in the swirling sky
will you watch me dance on by?

dancing in the light blue sand
to the music of that hawaiin band
twinkle twinkle cheerful star
do you think this can go very far?


twinkle twinkle star so bright
i think you stole my heart tonight
way up in the sky so blue
i've found something new in you

make believe and close our eyes
before us waits a great surprise
twinkle twinkle my new star
what a wonderful one you are!

broken lullabies

i once heard a song, and sang along. never guessing that it may be wrong. the words were a jumble, the beat slightly off. yet, somehow, the melody took off. but left behind, notes not yet heard. ones that were waiting, for the right word. a phrase to come and hold its hand, to lead it on, to musicland. but now the notes are catching on, and trying to make this their own song. as many pitches make up a chord, so do many hearts pull out their sword. and they fight to reach the end. to hit the cresendo, and then decresend. but don't they see that in this mess. they've left the core note back at the rest. and as they go and try to rewind. this is something that cant erase the mind. now out of tune, a broken beat. wanders by, on rounded feet. looking for, the right bar. to come along, and heal this scar. and though it might, never be a true fix. white out, may surely, do just the trick. but by chance, if it does not. just wrip the paper, and tear out that spot. though it will never truly be healed, its better than letting it somehow unpeel. new songs will come, and they will fade. leaving me here, with memories of all i gave. so sing to me, now your sweet song. serenade me, i'll come along. show me the words, teach me the beat. so that our song will never repeat. we will move on, each day where we left, never forgetting to stop at the rests. music is sweet. music is kind. so sing me a song, let your melody float- forever on my mind...

Behind My Mirror

behind my mirror
i lie in fear
dying awake
the future unclear
you look at me
and think i should
be what you see
i wish i could

but i stand
behind the glass
hoping that
you wont see past

past the life you think i live
past the happiness you say i give
past my outward ways of life
past my joy in a plastic knife

but theres a real knife
its made of steel
it pierces my heart
reminding me its real

reminding me
that i can never be
all that you
would love to believe
but thats the problem
this reflective glass
only shows the outside
it will never let you pass

pass on through
to the other side
pass by the places
that i love to hide

because if i let you
know where i dwell
i know that things
can no longer be well

you are afraid
and selfish i know
because my true colors
you dont want to know
you say you do
i dont believe
to many times
have i been left here to bleed

but there is one
who will know me well
the name i suppose
i cannot freely tell
why you may ask
well this you may know
it is a friend
to whom true colors can show

because i know
that when i hide
somehow or another
we will collide
in darkened chambers
and in hollow rooms
there is a friendship
that ripens and blooms

like a blue rose
when it is true
is not something a farmer
will admit that he grew
because if he does
others will pry
as they claw at secrets
his blue rose will die
wither and fade
shrivel and bare
and soon enough
nothing shall be there

so the dear farmer
a kindhearted one
holds on to this treasure
and shows not a one
because something like this
too good to be true
will quickly fade
if you let it escape you

so as i hold on
please do the same
if we share our cards
we will conquer this game

so when the blue
turns into gray
please be strong
and dont decay
black and white
and now the grey
hold on to me
and you'll be okay

as for myself
i will be too
because i will never
be stronger than you

you are so wise
yet still are so real

your emotions are true
your heart i can feel

so now as we both
jump from this spot
know that we both
somehow will be caught
our rope of three strands
cannot be torn
will look brighter each day
never dull and worn

because even now
as we both tug
this friendship will not
fit under the rug

like a new gift
i know you are there
to give me a lift
to show that you care
and i trust you
will too agree
you've found a friend
..a hope inside of me

Hurt From the Inside

running away... trying to escape myself... but only finding one who cares.

why cant i get off this ride? the pain will grow, and soon we'll die. too many hurts have already been born, too many lives have i twisted and torn. and yet when another passes on by, though i know i should, i dont want to try.

but this time is different, this one is new. a lonesome lost soul has somehow broken through. broken through my side door, tearing down the fear. seeing past my latest mask, and trying to come near. but what will happen if it works? what will i become? how can i go on living, knowing i can no longer run.

because in a sense, that is what i enjoy. breaking their heart, like an old forgotten toy. but this one wont break, its made out of three. a color for you, a color for me. and then a spotless one, to wash us clean. its given us this friendship, that is plain to see.

so as i come, and scrape at the paint.. please rest assured i delight in this game. delight in knowing that somehow i could, use my tortured mind to produce some good. to help you now when you least expect. to give you a friendship you'll never regret.