twinkle twinkle

twinkle twinkle big bright star
a silly one you always are
way up in the swirling sky
will you watch me dance on by?

dancing in the light blue sand
to the music of that hawaiin band
twinkle twinkle cheerful star
do you think this can go very far?


twinkle twinkle star so bright
i think you stole my heart tonight
way up in the sky so blue
i've found something new in you

make believe and close our eyes
before us waits a great surprise
twinkle twinkle my new star
what a wonderful one you are!

broken lullabies

i once heard a song, and sang along. never guessing that it may be wrong. the words were a jumble, the beat slightly off. yet, somehow, the melody took off. but left behind, notes not yet heard. ones that were waiting, for the right word. a phrase to come and hold its hand, to lead it on, to musicland. but now the notes are catching on, and trying to make this their own song. as many pitches make up a chord, so do many hearts pull out their sword. and they fight to reach the end. to hit the cresendo, and then decresend. but don't they see that in this mess. they've left the core note back at the rest. and as they go and try to rewind. this is something that cant erase the mind. now out of tune, a broken beat. wanders by, on rounded feet. looking for, the right bar. to come along, and heal this scar. and though it might, never be a true fix. white out, may surely, do just the trick. but by chance, if it does not. just wrip the paper, and tear out that spot. though it will never truly be healed, its better than letting it somehow unpeel. new songs will come, and they will fade. leaving me here, with memories of all i gave. so sing to me, now your sweet song. serenade me, i'll come along. show me the words, teach me the beat. so that our song will never repeat. we will move on, each day where we left, never forgetting to stop at the rests. music is sweet. music is kind. so sing me a song, let your melody float- forever on my mind...

Behind My Mirror

behind my mirror
i lie in fear
dying awake
the future unclear
you look at me
and think i should
be what you see
i wish i could

but i stand
behind the glass
hoping that
you wont see past

past the life you think i live
past the happiness you say i give
past my outward ways of life
past my joy in a plastic knife

but theres a real knife
its made of steel
it pierces my heart
reminding me its real

reminding me
that i can never be
all that you
would love to believe
but thats the problem
this reflective glass
only shows the outside
it will never let you pass

pass on through
to the other side
pass by the places
that i love to hide

because if i let you
know where i dwell
i know that things
can no longer be well

you are afraid
and selfish i know
because my true colors
you dont want to know
you say you do
i dont believe
to many times
have i been left here to bleed

but there is one
who will know me well
the name i suppose
i cannot freely tell
why you may ask
well this you may know
it is a friend
to whom true colors can show

because i know
that when i hide
somehow or another
we will collide
in darkened chambers
and in hollow rooms
there is a friendship
that ripens and blooms

like a blue rose
when it is true
is not something a farmer
will admit that he grew
because if he does
others will pry
as they claw at secrets
his blue rose will die
wither and fade
shrivel and bare
and soon enough
nothing shall be there

so the dear farmer
a kindhearted one
holds on to this treasure
and shows not a one
because something like this
too good to be true
will quickly fade
if you let it escape you

so as i hold on
please do the same
if we share our cards
we will conquer this game

so when the blue
turns into gray
please be strong
and dont decay
black and white
and now the grey
hold on to me
and you'll be okay

as for myself
i will be too
because i will never
be stronger than you

you are so wise
yet still are so real

your emotions are true
your heart i can feel

so now as we both
jump from this spot
know that we both
somehow will be caught
our rope of three strands
cannot be torn
will look brighter each day
never dull and worn

because even now
as we both tug
this friendship will not
fit under the rug

like a new gift
i know you are there
to give me a lift
to show that you care
and i trust you
will too agree
you've found a friend
..a hope inside of me

Hurt From the Inside

running away... trying to escape myself... but only finding one who cares.

why cant i get off this ride? the pain will grow, and soon we'll die. too many hurts have already been born, too many lives have i twisted and torn. and yet when another passes on by, though i know i should, i dont want to try.

but this time is different, this one is new. a lonesome lost soul has somehow broken through. broken through my side door, tearing down the fear. seeing past my latest mask, and trying to come near. but what will happen if it works? what will i become? how can i go on living, knowing i can no longer run.

because in a sense, that is what i enjoy. breaking their heart, like an old forgotten toy. but this one wont break, its made out of three. a color for you, a color for me. and then a spotless one, to wash us clean. its given us this friendship, that is plain to see.

so as i come, and scrape at the paint.. please rest assured i delight in this game. delight in knowing that somehow i could, use my tortured mind to produce some good. to help you now when you least expect. to give you a friendship you'll never regret.

goodbye

taking back the promises, and packing up the lies.
never thought we'd come to this, saying our goodbyes.
why does it hurt when we know it's the only way.
no matter how much we try darling it will never be okay.
over and over again we promise to try.
but now as we lie, we simply die.
completely insane we try once more at this game.
but in the end unravel in the pain.
the pain and fear of moving on.
the pain and fear of life.
the pain and fear of not really knowing if what we're doing is right.
through the tears, and broken words.
we simply float away.
on to what we wish we had.
on to being "okay"
perfection without a fight.
maybe we are wrong and blind.
maybe its not real, maybe i'm outta my mind.
maybe someday the pain will be gone, and happiness we will feel.
feel the warmth of each others touch.
feel the warmth of love.
feel the warmth of true compassion, and never giving up.
so as i go, and walk away, please remember this.
you take a part of my heart with you, a part i will truly miss.

color of my life

blue: my lost soul wandering aimlessly around this
life
green: my dumm luck that seems to be complicating
things even more
red: their eyes
yellow: sickness, a foggy mind, confused but yet not
really wanting a way out
purple: summer flowers, will they ever arrive?
black: my heart
orange: the fake vitality that i seem to find when it
is most neccesary 
brown: maybe my problems will just melt away...
gray: everything
pink: my longing-ness to belong, to be one of the
happy people
silver: the mirror i have put up, trying to block
people from seeing through me
white: the end of it all

when trust dries into dust

i try to believe all that you say, i try to pretend its true. i think that i can see the truth, i trust that i know it is you. it always seems that as things come they just as simply go. it always seems that what you thought were yes's somehow now are no's. put on a shelf, that's how i feel. not at a personal rate, i try and try, but still you pass by and go on with your life. watching you live, watching you die, watching you everyday trying to get by. bending and twisting and trying to escape. broken and crying and feeling second rate. life is simple at an impersonal pace, its easiest not to care. its easiest just to let you pass by, and forget you left me there. the dark clouds will come, and you'll call on my name. i'm sorry now, but it can never be the same. youve messed with my mind, youve toyed with my brain, im battered and broken and writhing with pain. you can look for me now, but im not the same. ive dried up and withered at the sound of your name. now simply dust, on your shelf i lay. you'll come and you'll clean and pretend to be okay. but i know you deeper, ive performed in your play. i know how you think, and how you run away. away from the truth, away from the pain, away from the fact that your life is lame.